I've always been a planner; I would feel lost without to-do lists, I'd get super anxious if I wasn't doing anything to tick-off checkboxes I've drawn, I'd panic if I haven't budgeted for one week, and right now, honestly, you're free to take anything I have except for my bullet journal. I keep a timeline of the things I have to do from each hour after I publish this post up until the last day of the year. (Even me writing this blog post was timed!)

When I was little, my long-term goal, although unwritten, was to graduate on top of the class, find a good university to study in, graduate from said university, then find a job. Now that I actually have a job, ~*being successful*~ is as clear as my next goal can be. What does that even mean??? That freaks me out. A lot. 

I know everyone has their ups and downs, but I've been getting way too many downs lately. I'm opening this up alongside my little story about planning and my ~*career path*~ because I feel like my plans, or lack thereof,  are the only things I can blame for not being genuinely happy. I've always had some sort of long term plan, but right now, the thought of me not having concrete plans for the years to come almost suffocates me and makes me want to scream D:

This whole thing may sound waaayyy too dramatic, or it might not make any sense, but reflecting on all of this has made me rethink how I see life, and how I should stop planning less and living more. Sure, I'd probably still drown myself in lists, but I should learn to stop freaking out when I haven't done everything I told myself I would do, accept that life doesn't always go as planned, and heck, learn that a day does not always go as planned.

Okayyy I should get some sleep. Sorry for the negative-ish brain dump! Good night x